The Traynoir Towers, an Immodest Proposal

by baad lamb

On a recent long weekend to visit with my love, the silliness takes over completely.

And need I say it? All the photos embiggen nicely!

South Elevation                      East Elevation              North Elevation

Plan

Here is a model of the latest construction proposed to rise from the South Florida hardscape. If handled correctly, this penetrating design by a young up-start architect (who tries to remain anonymous, but everyone's got his number) might soon be fully erected on the Fort Lauderdale Beach by Richard M. Biggens, a well-known, crotchety old developer.

The Traynoir Towers, as they'll probably be called, would be named for three memorable bartending brothers who exploded on the club scene not long ago. At first, they were seen around town with just about everyone, but then one day they disappeared so quickly, that people were left scratching. their heads.

Mr. M. Biggens describes his pet project: “This mixed use development will consist of three eggplant colored towers - none of them completely straight - offering residential, office and hotel space. These three towers are thematically similar in overall appearance, but two will be taller, while what the third one lacks in size, it makes up for in girth. On the model, you can see how each slightly curved structure gently widens near the top, where the sun glistens warmly as it caresses the buildings’ taut skin.”

He continues: “A giant sports complex will positively dominate the connecting base, and under each tower will be a large ball field. I’m thinking baseball, football, and basketball. Or maybe all-basket ball.”

There was originally very stiff opposition, due to the abnormally long shadows the tower complex would point across the beachfront, but tricky-Dick-M. knew how to poke all the right people, so permits have been granted.

An orgy of fireworks accompanied the erection of the massive marketing sign bearing a simple minimalist message:

Coming Soon!